my thoughts on life with type 1.

i was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in november of 2003.

i have been asked how it's going, now living in China with diabetes.

i usually say, ok.

here is a little insight to my diabetic brain and how i think and feel.

the biggest adjustment i have had to make in china is finding a doctor.  oh wait.  i haven't done that yet.  i need to call and find a doctor so that i can continue to have medicine.

most people assume i caused my diabetes.  nope. i liked candy before, but hello.  it doesn't not cause this illness.  {if you want to know the truth.  i had a bad virus in high school that attacked my immune system which developed into type 1 diabetes}  or people think i can't eat this.  or that.  or they think i am going to blow up airplanes with my device.  i know it beeps loud, but pa-lease.  or that it is a piece of cake to regulate. bahaa.  {the truth is my sugars are a little high right now and i probably shouldn't eat that piece of cake, but i want to}.

the hardest part about mornings are knowing how much to shoot up for breakfast. {no.  i have not switched drugs.  the only drug i use is insulin}.  i always over shoot.  i just really don't like highs.  ya know?  they make me tired.  however lows make me tired too and irritable.  i know it sounds like an excuse, but do you have diabetes to know how it feels?  huh?  no.  ok.  i get irritable sometimes.

a gadget i couldn't live without is my super bionic continuous glucose monitor.  every week or two, i insert a sensor into my stomach.  then i put a transmitter on that that talks to my receiver and updates me with my glucose numbers every five minutes.  ah. it is wonderful.  but at the same time, sometimes i want to throw it hard against our cement walls.  because i don't like what it tells me.

the hardest part about nights are the possibility of not waking up if i have a low.  chad was just gone for two nights for a middle school retreat.  i slept in little man's bed, figuring i would sleep lighter and wake up to my cgm if it were beeping {because believe it or not, sometimes i don't hear it in the middle of the night}.

if i had to choose between an invisible illness or visible i would choose an invisible illness.  i like to be able to "blend" in with my diabetes as much as possible.

the hardest thing to accept about my reality has been that i am not going to wake up tomorrow morning and it will be gone.  like a cold.  it is here for.ev.er.

something i never thought i could do with my illness that i did was have a baby! yay!  only by God's grace. and His provisions.

the commercials about my illness  are kind of annoying.  seriously a blood glucose reading of 104 mg/dL does not happen all the time.  it is rare.  not reality.

something i really miss doing since i was diagnosed is making my own insulin.

if i could have one day of feeling normal again i would run around all day without worrying about my sugars plummeting to the ground. oh and eat a piece of my mom's apple crisp without my sugars sky rocketing.

my illness has reminded me that God's grace is sufficient for me.  His power is made perfect in my weakness.

one thing people say that gets under my skin is "you can't eat/do/think/be that."  guess what.  I CAN.

but i love it when people love me for me, and not because they feel bad for me.

my favorite verse that encourages me through tough times is "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer an supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." philippians 4.6,7

i always want to say a big AMEN after that one.

remember diabetes doesn't define me, but it helps explain me.